De mortuis nil nisi bonum.

Sad day!

Aestivus estivus.

Another week down. Time flies; are you having fun yet?

Today is the first day of summer, so in honor, here is an ode to Crocodile Mile:

The child within me
still cracks a smile
When I think of summers past
and recall Crocodile Mile.
So thrilling to receive,
a present too fantastic.
There's no better scent
than the smell of fresh plastic.
All purple and yellow,
spread out in the yard.
To control my excitement
was ever so hard.

But the time would always come
for that fast-paced trip on down,
And the immediate result
was always a smile-turned-frown,
For little do they tell you
on the cover of that box
That when you run and slide and hit the bump,
you get a stomachful of rocks.

So what my inner-child learned
from that ever-fateful ride
For summer's in the future:
Instead try a Slip 'n Slide.

(FYI, Slip 'n Slide was no winner, either. To avoid all injury, avoid all at-home water slides. Except maybe this one. [Kids are spoiled these days, no?])

And just because...Beware! The dramatic chipmunk!

Res severa est verum gaudium.

The act of licking off the caramel that sticks to the lid of a cup that holds a caramel macchiato makes me happy.

So do cats that have bad grammar. Here's a site for your viewing pleasure if you're looking for ways to pass the time: I Can Has Cheezburger? It's one of those for-the-sake-of-cuteness sites that can look bad if your boss catches you reading it while at work, but there's something so damn alluring about a mother cat who's licking her baby and says, "My son, he has a flavor." How do kitschy pop culture sites like this catch on? I have no idea. But I'm glad I have a hand in spreading the word.

If you're not working this summer, consider volunteering your time to a good cause: being a zombie. Craigslist has something for everyone!

In other news, Lily Allen is kind of shallow. In fact, quite shallow. I stumbled upon her MySpace blog (not that I check out MySpace, or anything) and if this is really her, then she's really shallow. She talks a lot about manicures and spas. And her song "Knock 'Em Out" is rather annoying. I have an odd penchant for disliking female singers, but I actually gave Lily a chance, let "Smile" get stuck in my head every on more than one occasion. But alas, Lily, you're annoying.

Free shows at McCarren Park Pool start this Sunday. Pools are good. Free is even better. AND there's music. Therefore, life is good. Here are some of the key shows to mark on your calendar (don't forget to RSVP):

-- July 1: Man Man w/ Illinois and Dengue Fever (I don't know the latter two bands, but Man Man is crazy, yo, and they have a song in which they sound like pirates. Pirates are coolz.)
-- July 15: Ponderosa Stomp, Look Out Brooklyn! Version w/ performances by Tommy McClain (backed by Yo La Tengo), among others (Yo La Tengo is neat-o; enough of a reason to go to this show.)
-- July 29: TV on the Radio (Return to Cookie Mountain was good -- gritty, catchy, different. I don't know how they are live, but what better way to find out than a free show?)
-- August 5: Blonde Redhead & I'm From Barcelona w/ The Coydogs & The Rub DJs feat. Morse Code (Blonde Redhead is intriguing, and I'm From Barcelona take 50 happy pills a day, and the happy is contagious. Their sort-of self-titled song is the equivalent of a giant chocolate chip cookie, or a bunny rabbit holding a daisy.)
-- August 12: Ted Leo & The Pharmacists, The Thermals, Birds of Avalon (Mr. Leo is in my top ten best live performers in the world; I've never seen someone put so much into a single show. And The Thermals last album, The Body, The Blood, The Machine, is amazing. Simply amazing. Every time I listen to it, I say, "Wow, this is amazing." So even though I've heard they're not great in concert, I'd say it's worth risking a free show to see them. And I'd don't know much by Birds of Avalon, but they list themselves on their MySpace page as "psychadelic" and "progressive." Groovy.)

Check the Pool Party website often, because certain line-ups have yet to be announced.

And for further research...
New-ish band of the moment: Cold War Kids. The lead singer's voice is verging-on-girly high pitched, but I've been hearing "Hang Me Up to Dry" off their Up in Rags EP every day, and despite the fact that sometimes a single station will play it twice within a four-hour span (and that's just annoying), I don't mind, because it's good. "Saint John," off the same EP -- also good. Plus, they're Australian, and Australians have neat accents, so even though you don't hear accents when people sing, check them out.
New-ish song that's good to sing while driving on a highway with the windows down: "Phantom Limb," The Shins. Good to sing with the windows down specifically at the "ohhh-oh-ohhh, oh-ohhh" part near the end; Good to sing with the windows down specifically while driving on a highway because if you have a bad voice, no one can really hear it at speeds of 65+ mph, so in your head, you can pretend you sound like James Mercer.
Old-ish song that's so good you should download it from Soulseek right now: "Oh, You Pretty Things!," David Bowie. Just because.

Say ooh, la la, sassoon, that's right.

Post tenebras lux.

It's Thursday, and almost 5 o'clock. That means it's almost the weekend for this girl.

I begin an internship with Glass Magazine tomorrow, and I'm hoping my weekly trips into NYC will turn into a new feature focusing on interesting things seen and heard around the city. I have my camera packed, and I'm sure enough interesting/crazy/weird people will be around to make blog-worthy things happen for me to record. Like the time a homeless man almost sat on me on the subway. That was fun!

In other news, They Might Be Giants have a new album coming out, and you can listen to it here -- it's a super awesome, super exclusive pre-release album of The Else.

This weekend, go see Hedwig and the Angry Inch at the Baronet Theatre in Asbury Park this Saturday at 8pm (tix $10 in advance/$15 at the door). If you've seen the movie about the glam rock god-turned-goddess (just about), go see it in its original stage format, revived with Aaron Berk as Hedwig. It's gotten good reviews. If you haven't seen the movie, watch it and have its music get stuck in your head. For more info on the theater, click here.

Last night, in an attempt to find the music video for "I Will Follow You Into the Dark," I stumbled upon a YouTube series called We Need Girlfriends, and it strangely pulled me in. It's about three guys in NYC who've just graduated from college and have had their long-time girlfriends leave them. It can be a bit trite at times, but it makes me giggle, and the guys on it are kinda cute. Check it out when you find yourself surfing around YouTube.

(I never found the music video, by the way. Just a bunch of people covering it. Which was disappointing. I don't even know why I wanted to watch the video in the first place. I think it was because I saw someone in New Brunswick yesterday who I thought looked like the singer from Death Cab, but I wasn't sure because I wasn't sure what the singer from Death Cab really looked like, so I needed to check, and rather than do a Google Image search, I figured, let me hear the song AND see what the guy looks like. It didn't happen, though, and I was sad.)

Gay marriage isn't being banned in Massachusetts. It almost was, but now it's not. That's good, just in case I decide to become a lesbian.

It's not officially summer yet in Mother Nature's terms, but I just wanted to remind everyone about Fla-Vor-Ice, that sugary, frozen treat that succeeds at simultaneously being gross and awesome at the same time. All you taste is plastic for the first few bites, but it's worth it in the end, when the ice melts into pure sugar syrup and you get to simply drink it. In fact, don't bother freezing them at all! Just drink straight out of the box. Great as a mixer for alcoholic drinks and shots.

And Mr. Wizard is still dead. 'Tis a sad, sad time in our world.

Bonus Res.

Suggestions, and things that are good.
This is a list of exactly that: suggestions of good things to investigate and become deeply involved with to the point of obsession, or love, at least. I will add to this list periodically, I'm sure, particularly when I realize that something is great and I had forgotten about it, or when I get introduced to something so great that I'm just bursting with happy and I need to share it because otherwise I'd explode. Or throw a box of plastic knives.

Human Giant.
This new sketch comedy show on MTV (Thursdays at 10:30pm/9:30c) is top quality stuff. Definitely the best of new comedy out there, particularly in comparison to Fuse's "The Whitest Kids U Know." It's silly, it's random, it's the kind of jokes you make with your own friends but just a little funnier and caught on film. Plus, you can download and watch all of their sketches on their website. How awesome are these guys? So very. (Check out "Commercial Jingles" & "Doritos Time.")

Bang Camaro.
An up and coming band out of Boston that has a dude chorus and is featured on Guitar Hero 2. These guys are crazy, yo, and their repertoire extends far outside of "Push Push (Lady Lightning)." If you haven't unlocked this song yet, go do so now. If you have, go buy their album now. If you have their album, go feel macho and listen to it right now. Go.

Regina Spektor's voice.
This girl, right here, is amazing. Her voice is so clear, pure, and naturally beautiful, plus she's hot. I would consider becoming a lesbian for her, if a relationship for feasible. In fact, I'd consider it just to hear her voice more often. If everyone in the world could sing like her, flowers would never wilt and everyone would own a puppy.

Puppies and Kittens.
They will forever be good things. Check out www.petfinder.com and www.1800saveapet.com for things that make you go "aww."

Otters holding hands.
The best that YouTube has to offer. Watching this would convert Darth Vader to the light side.

Girl gets a kick out of breakdancing.
Another highly recommended YouTube watch, especially if you hate kids. Babies suck!

Pitchfork Festival.
If you're even a little bit indie-hipster, you probably read PitchforkMedia.com. But check out this festival in Chicago this summer to transcend indie-poseur status and work your way up the hipster hierarchy. Tickets are cheap ($50 for a three-day pass!), as is food and drink, so you'll save plenty of money that you can later spend on a pair of Diesel jeans or Buddy Holly glasses. Yoko Ono is headlining this year, which is kind of strange, but you'll also hear from Cat Power, Iron and Wine, Voxtrot, Girl Talk, The New Pornographers, Stephen Malkmus, Of Montreal, The Sea and Cake, and Sonic Youth (who's playing Daydream Nation in its entirety.)

Paula Deen.
I wish this woman was my grandmother. She's a fine purveyor of good ol' homestyle country cookin' (i.e. fried, fatty, heart-attack-inducing eats), but she doesn't just know how to make the food, she knows how to enjoy it, too. You can tell she's having a good time on her shows, even though it's a little creepy when she brings on young Marines and tries to flirt with them. Watch her shows, read her book, wish that you were eating her food and she was your grandmother, too.

MySpace for the literary-minded.
Sites like Dust Jacket Review and goodreads are making Internet socializing more respectable by incorporating books into the deal. Or maybe its just a front for nerds who are looking for dates. Either way, it's addictive.

Trapped in the Closet.
R. Kelly believes he's doing the world a great service by sharing his talents with through world through this piece of art that he calls a hip-hopera. You wouldn't believe how ridiculous one man's idea of "art" can be until you watch this. Be prepared for constant rhyming and repeated moments of asking yourself, "What the...?" If you're adventurous, buy the DVD and watch the director's commentary, and be as wowed as R. Kelly is about his work.

Pocketwatches.
They make you look like a train conductor. Train conductors are cool!

Caribou Coffee Granola Bars.
This pepped-up version of your average granola bar ain't so average. It's made with coffee inside the bars, like those cereal and milk bars that have "real milk" in them, for those days that you're running late to work and can't stop at Dunkin' Donuts. I don't know if it actually has enough coffee to get you through the day, but it psychologically convinces you that you'll be caffeinated enough from eating it.

The Little Prince.
This book... it can't really be squished into one category. It's part children's book, part inspirational guide for adults who've separated from their inner child, part love story. But it's altogether beautiful, and can be read repeatedly and not lose its charm. A friend of mine used to carry a copy around in his pocket to read whenever he had to wait around for something; I recommend doing that. I also recommend The Tale of The Rose, which gives a bit of background on Antoine de Saint-Exupéry from the eyes of his wife.

Living Arts Tattoo.
New Hope, Pa. is awesome in general, but if you're looking for your next (or your first) tattoo, this is the place to go. I've gotten two done here already, and of the three places I've gone for the five tattoos I have, I've had the best experience here. My fiancé has gotten one from here, as did one of my best friends, who has a detailed picture of the Lithuanian crest on his back which looks amazing. They guys are nice, the place is super clean, and you can tell everyone's serious about their work, and is good at it, too.

Mr. Wizard.
He died today, at the age of 89. I never liked watching his show as a kid, and I grew up to study English as a result, but he's still a part of my childhood, and the fact that he hosted Watch Mr. Wizard on NBC in the 1950s and '60s and then went on to do Mr. Wizard's World on Nickelodeon in the '80s and '90s is just damn impressive. Over four decades of wizardry is a whole lotta science.

R.I.P. Don Herbert.

Exordium.

Blogs. They're everywhere these days, and they've grown mightily from the high school-ish LiveJournals of yesteryear. No more is Jenny posting cryptic messages ridden with song lyrics about how Bobby doesn't like her and likes Sue instead. Well, maybe Jenny is, but joining her are respectable news channels like CBS, CNN, and ABC, and well known professionals in the politics, sports, music, and arts fields. Moby has a blog. Al Roker has a blog (it's very, uh, happy.) Jaime Oliver has a blog. Neil Gaiman has a blog. Even Dr. Sanjay Gupta has a blog! You know, that guy whose name seems to pop up in every news clip about medicine that's on TV. (For an impressively comprehensive list of famous people's blogs, go here.)

So, I've decided to give in and create a (semi) respectable blog of my own. Not that I'm famous. Yet. But just in case I get a book on the New York Times Bestseller list one day, I want to give my fans something to read while they're waiting for my next novel to come out and are as bored at work then as I am now.

Cheers!